I ain't no slacker

I was reading this amusing SMS which screamed itself hoarse on how many holidays there are in a typical Indian work calendar, and was 'inspired' by it to make, of all things, a daily schedule.

Come on, let us work it out. What might be the propah daily schedule for an IIT guy who is staying on in this inferno for the holidays and eating what is only euphemistically called 'Food', instead of peacefully relishing the culinary delights of namma Bengaluru ? Let us see now.

"Early to bed, early to rise, keeps a man healthy, wealthy and wise" quoth a an old poet. The medical benefits of rising early in the morning are too many to be recounted here.The mind is focussed most during the early hours of the morning."Early rising not only gives us more life in the same number of our years, but adds likewise to their number; and not only enables us to enjoy more of existence in the same measure of time, but increases also the measure.".How true.

Ok, so, let us think conservatively. Ah yes, 10 o'clock should be fine, eh? No? Ok, we'll keep everyone happy, 10:30 it will be then. Do I hear a resounding Yea? Yea to you too, my man!

  • 10:30 AM - Get Up

Now that the most ardous task of waking up is completed, let us channel our energies into charting the next course of action. What can a man do after getting up? Brush teeth? Naah, the bog is too far away. Take a bath? The water is too cold.Read the newspaper maybe? Oh no, the Hindu is too snobbish for my taste. What indeed? The most logical and obvious and wholesome thing to do, of course!

Go back to sleep! "Simplicity is the hallmark of Genius",and this, my friend, is as simple as it can get. Go back to sleep, check. But by now, we should start paying heed to other existential necessities, and think of grub. So, lets write it down, 12 noon, grub. Of what earthly use is a long,slow meal that doesn't end with an ice cream? None whatsoever. So add that to the itenary, one ice cream, check.

  • 10:31 AM - Go back to sleep
  • 12:00 noon - Grub + Ice Cream

The hour is a ripe 1 PM now, the sun is blazing, no holds barred. What should be done now? Take a bath? Nope, the water's too hot. <small voice> Do some work ? </small voice> Shiver me timbers, which planet are you from? Work on such a wonderful afternoon? Where do you get such ludricious ideas from? Suggestion categorically rejected! Come now, the correct answer isn't so hard to come by, think, think..

Yep, you got it. Watch a movie! Now why did that take so long to strike? Given

1.) A (almost) free LAN connection
2.) A decent comp
3.) 500+ movies on LAN,

What could be a better option ? So,

  • 1 PM - 4PM - Movie

What is the one thing that a nice matinee show does to you? Why, make you hungry, of course! So, trot off to Tiffany's for some 'light' evening snacks.

  • 4PM - 5PM - Light Evening Snacks.

The big question is, What happens next?

I have pondered long and deep over this, and soiled many a cloth wiping my brow while in deep thought. I have reached the farthest corners of the suggestive abilities of the intellect, the deepest valleys of origins of thought, the tallest mountains of flashes of genius, but nought has come out of this effort with regard to filling up the slot in my daily schedule.

What does a fellow who's done all that do when he finds out he has nothing to do? Why, meet other people who've done all that and have nothing to do, and put fart! Yay!

  • 5PM - 8PM - Fart!
Time for grub again!

  • 8PM - 9PM - Grub.

The day is now past. We have all of four hours until the fists of Big Brother come crashing down on our freedom.What is the most productive activity that could be done? Use the vast powers of the Information Superhighway to broaden our horizons and mindset and knowledge? Phooey! Orkut are there!

  • 9PM - 1 AM - Orkut

Four hours, you gasp? How the heck do you think I can beat Makam's 3500+ scraps otherwise?
So, let us sum it up now.

  • 10:30 AM - Get Up
  • 10:31 AM - Go back to sleep
  • 12:00 noon - Grub
  • 1 PM - 4PM - Movie
  • 4 PM - 5PM - More grub alias Light Evening Snacks.
  • 5PM - 8PM - Fart. (TM)
  • 8PM - 9PM - Much more grub.
  • 9PM - 1PM - Orkut.

But alas, at 1 AM, our wings are clipped, and the whole wide world goes whooshing out of our lives. Let us find solace in sleep, then.

  • 1 PM - Sleep.

There's a reason I named this blog Veni Vidi Vetti :)
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