Thursday, November 23, 2006

The ExoduSSS

(Update: This post was written in the extreme euphoria of realising that I don't ever need to bother about one more cutting tool or one more super/hyper/turbo/extra/infra-abrasive grinding wheel or one more universal-axis-fixed-bed-rotating-column-swiveling-table -vibrating-spindle-backgear-driven-variable-cone-pulley-drive drilling machine. In other words, this post entirely in jest, so no hard feelings anyone)

Some background information: Circa mid 5th sem, dissatisfied at the extraordinary resilience of students in miraculously surviving courses whose descriptions merit an entire flameblog by themselves, the now-familiar Mech department issued the most grave and torturous decree yet: Choose Thine Electives. The tactic was disarmingly simple: offer students elective courses for the sixth semester, make them waste innumerable number of hours debating the relative merits of each course, and when finally the Day of Reckoning comes and the students go to the profs to ask their permission (expected to be just a formality), deny it. Make students run around to prof after prof, in vain hopes of doing some interesting course.

And in the midst of this darkness came a sssaviour, a beacon of light. Come to me, he said (or was purported to have said), come to me, and I will take classes for 40 minutes a week for a 3 credit course. I will give you good grades, not bother about attendance, give bonus class breaks, take you out to parties and pubs.. um, no, I don't think he actually said that, but you get the drift.

And people went. In droves they went, yes they did.

The only problem is, the course he is taking, Turbomachinery, is a rather, ehm, let me put it this way, it isn't really the kind of course people fall in love with. After a detailed analysis at 3 AM the day before the IC engines exam, It struck. 'Like Lightning' would not quite carry the force this fantastic idea struck some of us fiscally inclined people. We've got it all worked out, and exclusively for the readers of this blog, here it is:

The Grand Pump (and Turbine) and Dump plan.

(For those of you not familiar with Mr.Mehta's tactics, wisdom beckons)

1. Conduct 17 different surveys of the number of people in Mech taking the course. All of them, of course, will (ok, should) show the number people in the Turbomachinery course to be anywhere from a minimum 80 to 600. No matter that the total number of people in Mech is 120, we shall call it Extended Sampling Truncation Error.

2. Call in the local tabloids that swear by the Grand Journalistic Principle "From Sense to Sensation, Onward Ho!" , and make 14 of the 17 surveys public. Release the other three to an upcoming online newsportal with an overenthusiastic team, and watch people quibble over numbers over national television for a while.

3. The eye of the sensation storm, is, of course, that any number between 83% to 571.8% of the Brightest Minds in the Country have Chosen Turbomachinery as their Path, and that there is no doubt that there is going to be intense competition in Engineering and Research in the field.

4. It is also a fact that a vast majority of the students of the course have demonstrated considerable Entreprenurial Spirit, and therefore it is beyond question that these Motivated Engineers shall set up thousands upon thousands of companies specializing in various aspects of Turbomachinery.

5. Give half a dozen interviews every day on how Asia and especially India is going to be a (turbomachinery) Design Hub, and how all the money in the world is going to pour down like torrential downpours.

6. And we come to the lambda point: Invest in Turbomachinery companies, big, small, rotary vane, straight vane,vane congruent, vane non congruent, the full monty. In anticipation of any difficulties in finding companies to invest in, I humbly beg to suggest you one incorporated just today by the one-post Phenomenon and Yours Truly, "Soopper Turbo Suttifiers GmBH".

7. Pump,pump, pump money into these companies. The market won't know what hit it. Shares are going to skyrocket like crazy. Make gazillions of dollars, and live happily ever after !

(This post is dedicated to Varun, who saved me from the aforementioned
-backgear-driven-variable-cone-pulley-drive drilling machine by putting hi funda pump and dump fundaes in the last bench.)


wolverine said...

stud post da...
honoured by the dedication!

Karthik Rao Cavale said...

hmm.. mech is one eccentric little (no, not little) dept.

by the way, why don't you tear apart my choice too for a change? Random Vibration without having done a course on vibrations before. Prof. has already threatened me that I am likely to fail. :)

And what about Design Synthesis? How genuine is the interest the hordes of people who have taken it?

And, by the way, I am quite offended by your celebration at the end of all grinding-tool-and-lathe-and-workshop-related courses. I have to repeat the previous one, you see. And since I belong to a minority that has got the W, I have the right not to be offended, so you will have to call off your celebrations. :)