Thursday, April 26, 2007

Fatal Hilarity

(Update: I humbly and profusely apologize for the unimaginable degree of hurt I have most carelessly inflicted on the memories of all those who wrote the 2004 TNPCEE exam. Only unlettered, ignorant fools such as I will make a claim so ludicrous as 6000 deg C being the temperature of the Sun; even an Engineer with a modest idea of the State Board 12th Standard textbook will testify that the temperature of the sun is 6000 K, and not a degree more or less. This has been proven beyond doubt by the TNPCEE exam which asked this very question, and gave the choices as "a. 6000 deg C, b. 6000 K, c. 6500 deg C, d. 6500 K". )

(This post is dedicated to Mojan, without whose valiant efforts the world would never have known somebody's singular admiration of Namitha)

MSB corridor - Scheduled time of RAC exam : 9:00 AM to 12 noon

Me(along with about 30 others): Sir, please let us in, It is still 8:54.
Namitha : The Circular states that you should be here at 8:50.
Me : But sir, even the answer books haven't been distributed ! Some of the invigilators are coming to the rooms only now! Please !
N : No, go wait in my office. I will come there after my rounds.
N's Office, Wednesday 9:20 AM
N : I will not let you write the exam without an id card.
A : But sir, that is why I am here to ask you in person, I have lost my ID card.
N : Did I ask you to lose it?
N : Now, all those who came late, come in one by one, and fill in this form.
25 minutes on Maiya's paper gyaan. A most auspicious start indeed.


Exam Hall, Wednesday 11:50 AM

The Friendly, Neighborhood Buffoon: AaL yoo gentil men, tai app yuwar answer sheets yimmediately !

(comes around in a great huff, snatches off my untied mass of paper)

We do naat care if you do naat write anyTHing man, you should have (eyes narrowed, snout protruding, bald head shining, kind of like the Persian dude in 300 who says 'Our arrows shall block out the sun') disssipppplin.

Much further buffonery ensues.


Sulli's room, Thursday 2:15 AM

Me: WTF, no question on VCRS today. 40 marks on VARS! How could you possibly do the second VARS question, with a double-effect thrown in? I didn't even continue after reading that!

Mojan: Uh oh, the VARS was a typo, he corrected it a few minutes before you came in after your honeymoon with N.

15 marks. Whoosh.


Sulli's room, Thursday 4:15 AM

(A particularly unwieldy formula for a purely experimental correlation concerning Fluidized Bed Combustion and Centrifugal Precipitation and suchlike, fine concepts about which Mothers tell their fretful babies: 'So ja beta, so ja. Varna Fluidized Bed Combustion ke formula mug karna padega' , was physically, logically, and dimensionally incorrect. However, there was talk that this was a _particularly_ probable question, so we were breaking our heads trying to mug it up. )

Mojan: Mapullais, I know what you are doing wrong.
Makam: Oh, peace, you got it, eh? what ?
Mojan: You are not trying to understand concepts from a scientific perspective. The Spirit of Inquiry is what is missing.

Mojan did not speak or move after that. And he has developed a most inexplicable limp.


Power Plant Engineering Exam, Thursday 10:45 AM

Question 5: A 400m long, 2.5m wide parabolic trough concentrator [yakkity yakkity yakkity yak]...Water enters the focal line at 38 degrees Celsius. Calculate the exit conditions of water. .
Doing a simple energy balance, we (all of us) find the exit temperature of water be a slightly warm 35,000 degrees Celsius. Tungsten vaporizes at 5600 degrees Celsius. Hot.
Oh, and the Second Law of Thermodynamics ( 35,000 deg C > 6,000 deg C K, Temperature of the sun) is for sissies, we're Mechanical Engineers now.


Question 6: An induced draft wet cooling tower [blah blah yada yada]. It receives 4,50,000 kgs of air per minute, and 68,000 kgs of water per minute. [Some arbit question requiring the use of a psychrometric chart.]
For any reasonable size of the cooling tower, the mass flow rates involved will cause the velocity of air to be comparable the speed of light in vacuum.

Relativistic Heat and Mass Transfer In Conventional Cooling Towers. Joy.


Question 9: A nuclear reactor with 50 tonnes of natural Uranium [neutron flux, nuclear cross section area, and other such delightful morsels of information follow]. Calculate the rating of the reactor.
Possibly the most suitable candidate for the honor of The World's Most Subjective Question, we have got values ranging from Mojan's 10.47 W ( => 50 tonnes of Uranium will not quite power a rickety old bog bulb) to somebody's 3327.8 Terawatt , enough to satisfy the energy requirements of all possible earth-like civilizations within 100 A.U of the solar system.


Now question 11 requires some perspective. Reasonable men would look at a power plant, and ask in moments of deep introspection: If I put in a kg of coal here, how much electrical energy am I going to get out of the other side? Reasonable men will go ahead, put many, many kgs of coal, and publish their findings as performance characterstics.

Agent Solar, on the other hand, waves away such efforts as mere child's play. Real Men, he contends, find expressions for the input of a power plant as a function of its output.

All is well, till that function happens to be a cubic polynomial. With two real, positive roots and one negative root. What does that mean? It means you drop in a kg of coal, and pray. Pray hard, and the output tends to the larger of the three roots. Else, be warned, sinner ! Your power plant could end up drawing power, if the equation is to be believed !! Behold Divine Retribution !


This will go on our official mech t-shirt, along with all the other pearls of wisdom we've gathered over the years :

We're even thinking of making an AYBABTU (video)-like meme :-)

And with that, we're done with Core Mech. Khattam-Shud even. Transcendental Peace descends so low, that I can almost touch with the tip of my nose if I stand on my toes.



CB said...

Haa, yes.
The first part was truly irritating.
Damn Madarprasad and Madarmugam.

I was about to write a post on this too.

amrut said...

How come our power plant paper was so normal? And why were we not kept from entering class! Damn it. Bloody juniors have 3 credits less per sema nd get to have all the fun. Damn it.

Mrudhu said...

Man you are godddd at such posts and descriptions

pota said...

Ha Ha What a crack!
lovely pic of namitha that.very alluring!
I cant understand why misre thinks having shady errors and illogicalities in examinations is fun...

bharath said...

aaha. dint expect this to come up this early in laif.

all hail the mech dept of iitm.

Mahesh Mahadevan said...

I now know what we'd call the first ever anti-Mech strike (if there ever be one) - Namitha Nachao Andolan :P

And that probably also explains why our man goes on "Rounds", or probably just "looking for them".

And your description of the What-man just points me towards Nasalis larvatus (the Proboscis monkey), an endangered species of the Sunderbans. In true literary fashion, I provide an alias of the Macaca silenus (the Lion-tailed Macaque), an endangered species from the Malabar. But no longer what I can think or conjure up, there is no Simian species that can match up to the absolute Vanarability(yes, you read it right!) of the What-man.

I have found the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of "But what happens at night?"
Yet again, I have two possible answers, and the hypotheses can only be verified by investigating the daily(nightly) crime scene.
It is either Nocturnal enuresis or Nocturnal emission, which is supported by the pertinent observation of the (ahem...) "fluidized" bed :D

But it is certainly a one-in-a-million occurrence that a paper has all questions defying the laws of physics, not to forget, the assignments had all questions linking to ScienceDirect papers!

Rolling on the Floor, Laughing my Head, Ass and Innards off!!!

Long live Mech, after all oui are Mechanicals, and that anagrams to 'a slim chance' :P

silentkiller said...

haha nice one, nai.. and "a slim chance" :)

kv, you're amazing. i'm a big fan of your writing/talking/thinking/existance.

that mama's "inexplicable" injury and all :D
SUPER post!!! :) sexy semester summary!

hey i don't know the connection between namitha and our man here. (i'm not complaining about the pic though!)

so please enlighten me :)

Kini said...


And you bastards have the gall to laugh at meta. Thoo.

amrit said...

Nice take. Funny take. Lovely take.

Shankar said...

10 min early into hall thing just exemplifies the sadistic nature of the prof ... thats all ... i dont know who can he live with himself ... seriously, would anyone ever wanna come back to mech dept after this??? he is gonna have if he ever talk abt people not being loyal to dept or the country or whatever

Mahesh Mahadevan said...

Thalaiva, please remove the taskbar from screenshots the next time :D
At least I thank god for not having the pic of a Mozilla Firefox window, which would have made people dizzy!

PS said...

I had heard most of this in some form or the other before, but couldn't help laughing my head of reading this post.
This is one of those few, truly rare occasions that I am glad I am in the BT department.

amrut said...

@cindy... Because its been ages and i dont have anything to blog about. damn it.

wolverine said...

Cracker of a post!!!!


btw.. totally stunning pic of namitha!

themiddler said...

The "Agent Solar!" bit was the best for me. LOL! This guy's first course in IITM was for our batch - II sem ThermoD. What a rape for us it was! Glad to know that he is alive and kicking! Muhahaha...

Hari Vishnu said... stuff.. all comedians there eh..