Friday, September 14, 2007

m'I [0]

"Many moons have waned since this grim nook of the internet reveled in the luxury of human attention..." Naah, too clichéd, how many times can you record your undying admiration of The Seven Crystal Balls anyway?

"I've been very busy and haven't found time to post anything so far..." Nope, your readers aren't really going "OMG!!1!!\lim_{x\to 0}{sin(x)/x}!11!!1[a] At last! A post! My life has meaning again!"

"Let's cut straight to .." CUT THAT OUT! You're using that phrase almost like a Piliyar[b] symbol!

Oh well, it would be less embarrassing for all of us if we choose not to pay too much attention to trifles like dates, and just get along. And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls ( and in humble deference to established canon, Makam ), I'm back!


Ah yes, my trip back. I'm seriously considering filing a class-action lawsuit against Lufthansa GmBH. They lost my luggage, but that's OK, after all international travel is defined by "Breakfast in London, Dinner in New York, Luggage in Brazil". Their seats were a size too small for me and that gets terribly, terribly painful in an 18 hour flight, but that's OK too, maybe it's a gentle hint that I was too generous with myself and my gastronomical experiments were a tad too successful.

But what is patently NOT OK, was the fact that they played the kuntry-est and warasht {B|K}ollywood songs all through the flight. On the common TV screen for everyone's viewing pleasure reigned songs from the days of yore, when directors were tickled to the bone by the idea of having an army of dancers dressed in such a wide spectrum of pupil-splitting colors that it would give the term Additive White Gaussian Noise[c] a totally different meaning.

Songs mercilessly ravaged by English subtitles, songs whose poetic spirit was so sublimely wedded to the local sentiments that even an attempt at translation would maul the sensitive emotional underpinnings. Most hesitantly, I provide an example: The sheer poetic beauty of the line "Love-unna Love-u, Man-ennai-stove-u" was ravaged as "Love is Love, Kerosene Stove ".[d] Gentle reader, need I say more ?

The horror of having to look at my poor wide-eyed co-passengers' bewildered expressions after being bombarded by the tremendous multiplicity of sensory inputs ( from each of the discordant dance-steps writhings of the aforementioned army ) is a fate that I would not wish upon my bitterest enemy. If you have been subjected to this, too, please, I ask you, please get in touch with me right away. I know you are numb with shock, but I'm confident we can take solace from each other's experiences.


The next person to tell me GRE is a 'trivial exam da' is going to get punched in the throat. Pointless, perhaps, but no way trivial! Anyway, it was fun studying for it, and Barron's does have its share of nice example sentences. Here are some which I liked:

alimentary ADJ. supplying nourishment. When asked the name of the digestive tract, Holmes replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson".

caldron ADJ. large kettle. "Why, Mr. Crusoe," said the savage heating the giant caldron, "we'd love to have you for dinner!" ROFLMAO!


Scott Adams got it absolutely spot on, but perhaps the Pointy Haired Boss can learn a thing or two from the guys on top here. At a meeting to discuss certain ruinous pernicious policies the insti has of late been promulgating with great gusto, a group of students was clearly demonstrated the fundamental truth of the statement, "If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be `meetings' "

The single most effective way to end a conversation with a 21+eps year old is to simply say "You're only 21 ! What's the hurry? You can always find time to do it later in life!" "You want to do Research? Pooh! You have the entirety of the Rest of your Life to do it!" (That 'pooh', delivered in an extended semi-nasal tone, coupled with a wave of the hand is arguably the single most irritating gesture among all forms of human communication) "You're not interested in working in the industry? Bah! What do you know of interest? That's not genuine interest." Genuine interest, ne'er has a more convenient phrase been concocted by a scheming human mind.

And yes, the next time you want to pique someone to the bone, just remember Stephen Covey's idea of a 'Proactive' outlook and blow it out of proportion. "You don't get good projects? You should FIND good projects for yourself!" "You don't have good facilities in industries? You should do the best you can with the facilities you have! You know, in 1833, when I was at Bi-bi Industries, I had to find all my work on my own. Or the time I was at Basin Bridge Rivets and Fasteners in 1296. Why, Rivets and Fasteners weren't even invented back then. But did that stop me from working there dawn to dusk, and not go cribbing that e v e r y one else had more interesting things to do? No! "

Grr, Gerontocracies suck so bad. Somehow though, I get this feeling that the entire concept of Generation Gap is a very convenient excuse for one or both of the sides to not think.


[0]. I know, I'm sorry. No more painful rebuses in the title in the future, I promise.

[a]. That little gem is from Maddox's inimitable butchering of the iPhone

[b]. For ye heathens: a symbol that looks like a 2 with a double underline, written by us staunch Believers on top of all answer sheets to tele-hypnotize the evaluator into overlooking all mistakes, generously dole out 'grace marks', and in general bring good luck. Reminds me of this quote:
Pray, v. To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a
single petitioner confessedly unworthy. -Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), [The
Devil's Dictionary, 1906]

[c]. A humble tribute to The BoFi. Now that little phrase is a part of ancient insti lore. Everyone who's written the GRE knows that the ultimate way to crack the Analytical Writing section is to gently introduce a couple of ( preferably >6 syllabled, High Latin ) terms from Economics and Statistics. But that is for mere mortals! Our man the BoFi went a step ahead, and brought in terms from Signal Processing and Communication Theory, and demonstrated that a certain statistical measurement mentioned in the essay would be irreparably affected by Additive White Gaussian Noise. All Hail !

[d]. You definitely MUST read these hilarious articles by Mahadevan Ramesh on the soaring standards of Tamizh lyrics in today's cinema.

An Algorithmic Approach To Modern Tamil Verse

Latest Algorithm from Poet Vairamuthu

("Mentor Graphics Stock pola irangi vandhavale" This guy is just the god! Here's the wiki page for the company, and here's the Google Finance page. Scroll back to around mid 1997. ( Random rant: AJAX code unreachable by the URL sucks, I should be able to specify every possible state of a page with just the URL ) )


atul said...

however ferpectly right you maybe on a balding kid with a catlike dog...u cant beat a couple of indomitable gauls with a microscopic canine!
And i do share your abhorrence, abomination, alarm, antipathy, apprehension, aversion, awe, chiller, consternation, detestation, disgust, dislike, dismay, dread, fright, hate, hatred, loathing, monstrosity, panic, repugnance, revulsion, terror, horror of transliterations of regional languages to the queens sweet tongue!...bite this..i saw a board on malleshwaram saying DRINKING AND WASHING WATER massacred into KUDIYO UND TOLIYO NEERU...i think i rammed into two trees when i read that board!

CB said...


When's our Ignobel coming? :D

Mahesh Mahadevan said...

e.v.e.r.y - what a brilliant way to put it in! By the way, don't worry. We'll be old men soon... And all vague fundaes of generation gap can be explained by the fact that time difference=>phase difference.
Any correlation telling you why we like our grandparents so much? :D

And when do we watch Swastik, Operation Diamond Racket etc in full gumbal?

BoFi _actually_ wrote that!? ^:)^

Vairamuthu algo article R jawd too. Never knew that Vairauthu was indeed the man behind the 50kg Taj Mahal.

./a.out said...

Hilarious macha! :D

Take a look at this also.

Rasathukku uppazhagu, vishathukku warning azhagu
pazhathukku juice azhagu, kizhathukku thadi azhagu.

It can't get any better than this! Thanks for the hearty laugh. :D

PS said...

* is rolling on the floor *

I remember an Odysseus quote (please don't kill me if it's from the movie) "War is old men talking and young men dying."

I would prefer those gerontocrats to be inactive and sedate in their movements, if all their activity is of such nature. Maybe it's strategy... do such lousy things that people will never want you to do anything again.

wolverine said...

kv... what a post man!

too trippy da.. too trippy... loved the meeting, you should write an article in the filter copy as well..

Curiousmoron said...

Here are the lyrics of that song from the movie Jeans. Hilarious! :D

Curiousmoron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Curiousmoron said...

The URL got truncated.

Here it is.

Arjun Bharadwaj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arjun Bharadwaj said...

Also add getting cartoon network in Hindi and Kannada.......
and the circle of translation is complete....... :)

I remember having a poem in 10th standard in English(2nd language) from P.Lankesh. Some poet had translated his poem 'Avva' into English and we were supposed to mug that....... :o

In kannada(the original one)
"Avalu horavathada nela"

In English
"Her pressed floor" ??? :o


Curiousmoron said...

Vairamuthu knows quantum physics!

Here is the reason:

In the movie 'Jeans', one line in the song goes this way: packet saisil vennilavu enakkae enakkaa. This means that Vairamuthu knows quantum theory and hence explains the concept of photons in a lucid manner in a song.

silentkiller said...

HA HA !!!! "Love is Love, Kerosene Stove". I normally resent using "LOL"s but i actually did LOL!!!!!

So, you made up for not having "found time to post anything so far..."

(nice incorporation in e v e r y :D)

Hawkeye said...

you write well. seriously.

but one errata

"love'u na love'u
mann enna savvu"

there is no kerosine stove in this song.

savvu means jump.

Mohan K.V said...

atul: toLiyo neeru, ROFL :D

cb: no enthu :(

nai: Oh yes, the grand movie afternoon, we should have it sometime soon ! I'll try getting some DVD prints of Swastik when I go home next!

stdin << The pleasure is all mine :) Lovely video, that.

paedo: Aha! Strategy! [shivers at the enormity of the whole conspiracy]

cheta: Many thanks for the compliments!

sb: A most warm welcome to you! It's been AGES! The lyrics page, gaaa, could anything be more meaningless ? And we could also conceive of the Pulavar knowing some Network Theory and Switching Circuits, too, for he enigmatically talks of packets and sizing!

Arjun: Tch tch, your poor soul :(

hawkeye: Many thanks, and a thousand apologies. I will have this verified by the local authorities post-haste.