Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Mr.T would understand

Consider this song:

What leads one to think a-priori that it may not suck?

1. It is not sung by Udit Narayan, Kailash Kher, or any other cold-blooded murderer of the Kannada tongue (and ears).

2. Neither is it sung by Sonu Nigam, who by sheer, all-encompassing, suffocating saturation has managed to achieve a level of obnoxious aural horror that can only be dreamt of by stalwarts like Himesh.

One then proceeds to hear the first verse.
Shiva anta hogutidde roadinali...
sikkapatte saala ittu life-inali..
ardha tanku petrol ittu bike-inali..
nee kande side-inali
Quite excellent, one thinks. Excellent, natural, not-wannabe Kanglish. The 'dha' in ardha is a perfectly enunciated mahaprana. They're attempting something very ambitious, pitching the gauntlet to the epic Madhya Rathrili, Highway rasteli.  Depending on how high one is, one might even appreciate the distinctly non-universal, non-preachy, highly contextual setting so much that one might hazard a comparison with some songs from Mysore Mallige. One might also...

But one will not. Because someone fucked up so badly after this verse that it hurts just to listen to it lose its way horribly and become absolutely disgusting. It's almost as if the highly promising lyricist was deadlined to worthless mediocrity. Pity, pity pours from all directions into this downhill nosedive. The last verse.. ugh, calculus students will learn this song as an example of what a large negative second derivative feels like.


Saturday, October 09, 2010


1. "I think so that you should ..." GAAA! NOO!!! There is no 'so'! "I think that you should ..." or even "I think you should ..."

2. Almost every 'also' should be replaced with 'too'. "I also came" => "I too came"

3. What vile nether regions of hell did "revert" come from to haunt us? That, combined with the absolutely monstrous "the same" is the most lethal combination ever. "would sincerely request to please kindly revert back with the same" [shudder]

4. "I can able to do" - NO. "I AM able to do it" or "I can do it" (Tx SV)

5. "Hence". It feels as if the 16th century is upon us all over again, especially when it's used in speech. "Hence, suck my cock"

And deviating a bit from ranting about just usage, please do what you can to fight this cancer of 'analytical thinking'. The entire spectrum from JEE coaching centers which go public to the investment banks which take them there extols its virtues to the highest heavens; verily, analytical thinking is the pinnacle of all human endeavor! How wonderful the world, how colorful its rainbows would be if it were to have only Analytical Thinkers! Just feel that word, my God, a-na-LY-ti-cal! Five full syllables, enough to explain all expectations one could have and to simultaneously broadcast the brilliance, high intelligence, sharp discretion, and of course, the analytical thinking ability of the speaker. After expressing so much, does the word even need to mean anything?

Friday, October 08, 2010


The name 'Enthiran' struck me as a very interesting example of a feature that Tamizh shares with Telugu, but does not share with Kannada (or any other language I know). The use of the male nominative case suffix '-an' is a brilliant way of making 'Enthiram' (machine) into 'machine-man'. In Telugu, I'd do it like 'Yantrudu'  (with 'Yantramu' for the machine).

Two features are important:

1. The nominative case suffix should be quite distinct for the masculine gender compared to the neuter gender. The '-an' and '-am' difference in Tamizh, and the '-mu' and '-du' difference in Telugu are sufficient, but there's nothing comparable in Kannada. Hindi or English don't use case suffixes, so they are totally out.

Kannada is weird because it has a nominative case suffix that is used in formal writing that makes sense only when used in a sentence, and not independently. 'Ramanu' can never exist independently as a word (while 'Rama' can).

Sanskrit does make a clear enough distinction, with 'yantram' and 'yantraH', but:

2. The gender of words should be dependent purely on the gender of the object. Else, there's nothing to do!

I wish the movie was half as clever as the name, though :-)

Monday, October 04, 2010

Bangalore rains

"भो भोः पान्थ कुतो?" "नगरतो" "वार्ता तु काचित् श्रुता?" ।
"बाढं !" "ब्रूहि" "युवा पयोदसमये भार्यां विना जीवति !! ।"
"सत्यं जीवति ???" "जीवतीति कथिता वार्ता मयापि श्रुता ! "।
"संकीर्णा पृथिवी जनाश्च बहवः किं तन्न सम्पद्यते ?" ॥


(My apologies for presenting this without a translation. The Sanskrit original is witty, "gently mocking" and (aimed rightly) almost could serve as a pick-up line. Everything I've tried to tell the exact same thing in English sounded sappy, desperate, emo and somewhat sad.)

Ok, here goes. "Yo dude, where are you coming from?" "The city" "Any news?" "Oh yes!" "What?" "It seems a young man there lives alone ('without his wife') DURING THE MONSOON!" "Whoa, you mean SERIOUSLY?" "I too have only heard rumours (I mean, come on, is that even possible?)" "Tch tch, it's a strange world with all kinds of people. Nothing's impossible, I guess. (/resigned attempt at trying to make sense of a completely miraculous and unbelievable piece of news)"