Inspired by the Master's version.
"..To ruin Heaven for a person, all you need to do is put two doors at the gate. He'll spend an eternity wondering what would have happened if he'd picked the other door."
"Junta, I landed in Bang yesterday. Chustunnadi gaganamu-ninda egire jhanda rammantu, veestunnadi deshapu gaali jhanda uncha anamantu so only nijam telusuko-ing and rnam teerchuko-ing from now. When do we meet?"
"Meanwhile, in other news, all is lost. I have been shamed so spectacularly by the bird in question that the only honourable recourses left to me are to either commit ritual Seppuku or quickly change companies by night. The first option seemed easier, but alas, my blade consignment was caught up with the customs. Therefore, I am desperately looking for jobs."
"It's already at the # Postdocs = # Grad students singularity, and it's an inch away from an irreversible collapse from there to a black hole of dummy papers."
"...Microsoft Cocksucking Office Motherfucking Comminicator man. Who would think that that fucking piece of shit would have a 'Block' feature? Which son a bitch frustrated sadist bastard software engineer choot remembered to put in a 'Block' feature in fucking Office Communicator? I will narrate the gory story over some brandy."
"..I have some hopes on this, judging at least by a new index I've created: the Company Marital Transform Index. A huge number of people have gotten married right after they got into X, and that can only be because of two reasons: accessible hot max babedom or complete satisfaction in life leading to such ghastly imp-of-the-perverse measures."
"I'm thoroughly enjoying the comforts of home, and even though it's painful to listen to the regular crescendo of "Whaaaaaaaaaaat? You left a STANFORD PEEE HETCHH DEEEE to come back to Bangalore?!!!!!!", life is going well."
"..aaha.. ishtondu prashamse salladu saar! idella odi, higgi kobbi mattebbi, naaLe officealli area figure Santaanalakshmina pataaysoNa anta shuddha-sphatika-sankaasha-sirigannaDadalli romaanchaka romantic dialogue baarisdaaga, avaLa boyfriend GuLi Ramesha nanna kai kaalagasbitre eneno kansitkondiro naanu ellappa hOgli?"
"I spend half my time inventing bad analogies about it (my latest: "They fully believe in the philosophy of dumping fresh recruits at the deep end of the pool and seeing who makes it. [pause] But only, there's no water [longer pause] and the alligators are hungry"); the next half I spend putting out fires he lights with his effulgent incompetence; the third half I spend trying to forget all I've learnt, turning myself into a randroid, and fellating the biggest swinging dicks in Finance in the hope of making heap-big-heap of money; In the remaining quarter, I wonder what happened to my quant skills."
"Esteemed sirs, I beg you to kindly bear my pettifogging. I have an all-important, make-or-break, life-or-death ppt today at 3, where the hounds will decide if I must be torn down instantly and fed to the Water team, or if I may be granted my liberty and the honour of their free, PAR-evading patronage till the next fake ppt. My survival entirely depends on your (planted) questions and my perfect answers to those gems of inquisition, those marvellous manifestations of the spirit of inquiry."
"I've realized that the most scarce component in our lives these days is closure. Closure from anything! It is such a comfort to wrap up and categorize an event in the showcase of memory, but such luxury is very rare."
"I am told that if all goes well and things move fast, I can expect a decision by early 2018"
"The sweetest deal I could imagine: great research, lots of freedom, great money, fantastic work-life balance"
"Easily one of the very worst professional experiences in my life, even counting getting a no-dues certificate from CCW"
"Sir, with respect, I still can't get myself to stop mentally cringing at the idea of asking my lady love, an angel of kindness with whom I'd crave to spend many a vulnerable moment, a manifest perfection of the highest ideals I am capable of thinking, an impossibly superior being who is infinitely forgiving, what she thinks of the popular metric that a well-formed female's nipples align with her earlobes. Offering my expert services to check is absolutely off the table. "
"...and so far the only difference seems to be that there are some rumours that some people have heard others say that they have read somewhere that a few have felt that they detected faint hints that perhaps work may be going on someplace. Hope springs eternal."
"..doubtless this esteemed vocation of practicing my signature every day has been entrusted to me to ensure that when I'm a high flying executive on my way out of my penthouse after clinching the deal, the nubile young women from the fawning crowds should not be inconvenienced for too long when they offer their buxom bosoms for an autograph."
"I am also beginning to tire of this tirade of "this is an important lesson in life" that I tell myself. I'm done with the fucking lessons already, give me some peace! All these lessons seem so profoundly pyrrhic and I've had enough with depth."
"..Sach keh raha hai tu Rajju..asal me hum dono ki kismat gadhe ke ling se likhi gayi hai saaLi.."
"We hear a lot of talk of 'compatibility', and certainly economic-, social-status-, materialism level- compatibility are important; but most important is a compatibility of self-doubt levels. "